if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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