That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
