i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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