I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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