cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
