Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You smell like stripper and shame
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
