Ambien. No doubt about it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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