I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
