She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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