Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
