you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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