Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
