ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
