I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
