can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
