I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
