You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
