what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
