When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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