shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im drinking this country out of the recession.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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