I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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