note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
