my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
