i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
