have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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