i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
