That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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