Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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