wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
