yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
