Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
