I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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