dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
