All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All the doctor said was why
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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