well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
