Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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