If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
