haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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