i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
