So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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