this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
