One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
me + whiskey = a bad person
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
