he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
