We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
