my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
