Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
