Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
