i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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