I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize