guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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