just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
