you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
