btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
