I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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