Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
