We're facebook friends in real life
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
