Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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