I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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