You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
no you cant smoke seaweed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
whose parrot is this?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
