just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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