So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
