I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
