Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Congratulations! We have a period
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