I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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