it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you had me at cake vodka
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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