fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
