the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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