I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
