I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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