what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We talked him into tasing himself.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
