i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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