I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
