God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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