I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
